lists help me make better sense of things.
0: number of times i have been to cafe decartes, which displeases me greatly.
also 0: number of jobs i have.
also 0: number of tickets i have to go see underoath, emery and august burns red tonight.
1: number of times i dropped my phone in the toilet this semester.
2: number of days until the next old testament paper is due.
also 2: number of times i have forgotten to sign in for pcm.
3: number of percentage points i need to raise my old testament grade.
4: number of times i sign into and out of jenkins each day on average.
also 4: number of cups of coffee i drink each day.
5: number of hours i sleep each night on average.
6: number of all-nighters i will have pulled by the end of the semester.
7: number of days every week that i don't want to get out of bed.
8: number of days till tara and i take the old testament final. yuck.
9: number of my shoe size in toms, which i am getting for christmas. :)
10: number of mechanical pencils i have lost.
11: number of days till i go home!
16: number of credit hours i am taking in the spring.
17: number of trees in the plaza.
20: number of hours i hope to work in the spring.
110: number of days i have been at moody and thankful for every one!
things i am going to do on christmas break
1. work.
2. work.
3. work some more.
4. drink exorbitant amounts of tea and coffee.
5. watch a lot of the history channel and fox news and csi miami, until i get dizzy and all the blood drains from my head when i stand up.
6. play in the snow.
7. sit at panache to read for fun instead of homework.
8. sleeeeeeeep.
9. spend more time with Jesus that is not related to homework.
10. make ginger snaps.
11. play at the cafe with on the moon without a paddle.
12. find something exciting to do on new years eve.
13. work. :)
14. have office/cookie dough nights with jordan.
15. go to old chicago with zack.
16. get ahead on new testament for spring semester.
17. go running.
18. get a hold of a road bike.
19. go to my old community college and get one of their lattes.
20. go roller skating at peoria palace.
what i am doing right now
1. procrastinating reading ezekiel.
the end.
emily
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
adventures.
perhaps blogging is one of those healthy things like praying and sleeping that i make up reasons not to do.
so my life has just been full of adventures and funny/awkward situations and lots of giggles lately. here is a list of my favorite things about my life right now:
-watching myself turn into a true chicagoan as i wear more and more black.
-doing collegey things like eating easy mac for breakfast and being up till 2am for no reason (although the novelty of that IS wearing off).
-making friends that i love and now having four wardrobes instead of one.
-riding the el and seeing funny people and cheating death by risking exposure to h1n1.
-the small group of campus poets i have connected with and how happy and full my heart gets when we exchange our art.
-being on dryer lawn late at night (this is especially fun when people see my from afar and think that i am a man).
-the exorbitant amounts of coffee i now have legitimate excuses to drink.
right now i feel a little like God is the concrete, and i keep falling off my theology tricycle and scraping my knee. it's good... but it's hard. i never imagined God would be this good to me, that i would be right here right now. and now that i am He's pretty much taking all my assumptions about him and turning them upside down. God is so unpredictable sometimes, and i think that is one of the reasons why i like Him and keep coming back to Him. i never get bored with Him. but in any case my theology has been pretty much wrecked since i got to moody... i never realized what kind of things i believed about God till i started hearing the things that were true about Him. funny how that works.
well right now i am sitting in the library and it is time for me to go to dinner with my love hannah paasch. i shall be writing again soon though because i forgot how much i liked this.
love,
emily
so my life has just been full of adventures and funny/awkward situations and lots of giggles lately. here is a list of my favorite things about my life right now:
-watching myself turn into a true chicagoan as i wear more and more black.
-doing collegey things like eating easy mac for breakfast and being up till 2am for no reason (although the novelty of that IS wearing off).
-making friends that i love and now having four wardrobes instead of one.
-riding the el and seeing funny people and cheating death by risking exposure to h1n1.
-the small group of campus poets i have connected with and how happy and full my heart gets when we exchange our art.
-being on dryer lawn late at night (this is especially fun when people see my from afar and think that i am a man).
-the exorbitant amounts of coffee i now have legitimate excuses to drink.
right now i feel a little like God is the concrete, and i keep falling off my theology tricycle and scraping my knee. it's good... but it's hard. i never imagined God would be this good to me, that i would be right here right now. and now that i am He's pretty much taking all my assumptions about him and turning them upside down. God is so unpredictable sometimes, and i think that is one of the reasons why i like Him and keep coming back to Him. i never get bored with Him. but in any case my theology has been pretty much wrecked since i got to moody... i never realized what kind of things i believed about God till i started hearing the things that were true about Him. funny how that works.
well right now i am sitting in the library and it is time for me to go to dinner with my love hannah paasch. i shall be writing again soon though because i forgot how much i liked this.
love,
emily
Monday, September 21, 2009
"my heart is a well"
my heart is a well and the water
runs close to the surface.
it's cool and clear in plain view.
nothing to offer but water,
but though it's transparent
it's bottomless and vast.
and supposing one would look
he might see himself in it—
like a mirror gives a reflection.
my heart is a well and the water
laughs pure like a baby yet
swallows whole like a sea monster:
fully immersed or desiccated,
though each is a type of death.
and though naked and weak
my heart is free.
though there's nowhere to hide,
there's nowhere i need to flee.
i am not ashamed.
runs close to the surface.
it's cool and clear in plain view.
nothing to offer but water,
but though it's transparent
it's bottomless and vast.
and supposing one would look
he might see himself in it—
like a mirror gives a reflection.
my heart is a well and the water
laughs pure like a baby yet
swallows whole like a sea monster:
fully immersed or desiccated,
though each is a type of death.
and though naked and weak
my heart is free.
though there's nowhere to hide,
there's nowhere i need to flee.
i am not ashamed.
Monday, September 7, 2009
"gamble"
you breathe slowly with calculation.
another inch of distance
you check off your to-do list.
a refusal to act self-conscious
but an indulgence is all you ever give.
warmth isn't the rule but the exception.
you feel slowly with calculation.
which isn't feeling but arithmetic—
isn't life but a plan to slowly end it.
you think quickly, though, with expectation.
deep down you're still hoping
for a change in your situation.
deep down trust is a current and you're just
swimming against it,
and faith is isn't the rule but the exception.
you gamble slowly with calculation.
but it's still a gamble.
another inch of distance
you check off your to-do list.
a refusal to act self-conscious
but an indulgence is all you ever give.
warmth isn't the rule but the exception.
you feel slowly with calculation.
which isn't feeling but arithmetic—
isn't life but a plan to slowly end it.
you think quickly, though, with expectation.
deep down you're still hoping
for a change in your situation.
deep down trust is a current and you're just
swimming against it,
and faith is isn't the rule but the exception.
you gamble slowly with calculation.
but it's still a gamble.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
"everything's gonna be all right"
it's late. we're sitting across from each other in the cafe.
i'm distracted by the plastic cup and you're patient.
and there's a song playing that says,
"everything's gonna be all right."
and everything's gonna be all right.
yet we reminisce and wonder why it has to be this way.
i have to go cause it doesn't make sense to stay:
my destiny is a magnet,
and it always has been pulling me
farther and farther away.
it's late. this night is a sunset and we're both wondering
if it's ever going to rise again. but you're patient.
and there's a song playing that says,
"everything's gonna be all right."
and everything's gonna be all right.
i'm distracted by the plastic cup and you're patient.
and there's a song playing that says,
"everything's gonna be all right."
and everything's gonna be all right.
yet we reminisce and wonder why it has to be this way.
i have to go cause it doesn't make sense to stay:
my destiny is a magnet,
and it always has been pulling me
farther and farther away.
it's late. this night is a sunset and we're both wondering
if it's ever going to rise again. but you're patient.
and there's a song playing that says,
"everything's gonna be all right."
and everything's gonna be all right.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
apart from my performance.
there have been a couple of people who were at the cafe last friday night who asked me what it was that i read when i was talking about me and Jesus and how He's fixing my view of myself.
it's something i first saw when i stayed in florida for a month last year, in my friend melissa's house. she has a few copies of it printed out and taped up in different places, like the bathroom and the door to the garage. it goes like this:
"i have great worth apart from my performance
because Christ loved me and gave His life for me,
and therefore imparted great value to me.
i am deeply loved,
fully pleasing,
totally accepted,
and complete in Christ Jesus."
i love that. the first time i saw it, for one i immediately fell in love with melissa, but for two something in that rang very true to me and touched something deep inside that needed to be touched.
i recently set it as my desktop wallpaper so that every time i open my computer i'm reminded that i don't have live like that, i don't have to feel guilty anymore, i don't have to punish myself because Christ was punished for me. i don't have to be perfect because Christ was perfect for me. and it's my responsibility to forgive myself because Christ already has.
that's something. i've realized that God has forgiven me for every wrong thing i've ever done, and every wrong thing i'll do today, and every wrong thing i'll ever do. God sees everything that's going to happen, and knows that i'll go on sinning for the rest of my life, but He'll forgive me every single time. knowing that, the difference in my life is not whether God forgives me but whether i choose to live in that reality. when God looks at me He doesn't see my sins. He just sees Jesus in me; He sees righteousness. and i need to see Jesus in me, who helps me to be righteous, rather than focusing constantly and solely on my own shortcomings. i don't have to live like that, and that is beautiful.
changing topics: it is not a little after 6 in the morning. i've been up since 2.15am, wide awake, and haven't been able to go back to sleep, and i have no idea why. i slept for 2 or 3 hours, and i was dreaming about something though i can't remember what, and then i woke up and had tons of energy. so i watched a whole disc of season 4 of the office, then after that ran its course i turned my tv off and tried to see if the darkness would make me sleepier, which didn't work. then i tried my ipod and watched a couple episodes of spongebob squarepants (don't you judge me), which also didn't work. finally aubrey's alarm went off a little before five—she was getting up to go somewhere with youth group all day—and i decided the most logical course of action would be to get up and watch the morning news and at least do something productive with my time.
and, that's where i am now. also i have quite a fragrant mix of nutmeg and milk on my face, a homemade acne remedy that i found on the internet. so… i'll let you know how that goes.
emily
it's something i first saw when i stayed in florida for a month last year, in my friend melissa's house. she has a few copies of it printed out and taped up in different places, like the bathroom and the door to the garage. it goes like this:
"i have great worth apart from my performance
because Christ loved me and gave His life for me,
and therefore imparted great value to me.
i am deeply loved,
fully pleasing,
totally accepted,
and complete in Christ Jesus."
i love that. the first time i saw it, for one i immediately fell in love with melissa, but for two something in that rang very true to me and touched something deep inside that needed to be touched.
i recently set it as my desktop wallpaper so that every time i open my computer i'm reminded that i don't have live like that, i don't have to feel guilty anymore, i don't have to punish myself because Christ was punished for me. i don't have to be perfect because Christ was perfect for me. and it's my responsibility to forgive myself because Christ already has.
that's something. i've realized that God has forgiven me for every wrong thing i've ever done, and every wrong thing i'll do today, and every wrong thing i'll ever do. God sees everything that's going to happen, and knows that i'll go on sinning for the rest of my life, but He'll forgive me every single time. knowing that, the difference in my life is not whether God forgives me but whether i choose to live in that reality. when God looks at me He doesn't see my sins. He just sees Jesus in me; He sees righteousness. and i need to see Jesus in me, who helps me to be righteous, rather than focusing constantly and solely on my own shortcomings. i don't have to live like that, and that is beautiful.
changing topics: it is not a little after 6 in the morning. i've been up since 2.15am, wide awake, and haven't been able to go back to sleep, and i have no idea why. i slept for 2 or 3 hours, and i was dreaming about something though i can't remember what, and then i woke up and had tons of energy. so i watched a whole disc of season 4 of the office, then after that ran its course i turned my tv off and tried to see if the darkness would make me sleepier, which didn't work. then i tried my ipod and watched a couple episodes of spongebob squarepants (don't you judge me), which also didn't work. finally aubrey's alarm went off a little before five—she was getting up to go somewhere with youth group all day—and i decided the most logical course of action would be to get up and watch the morning news and at least do something productive with my time.
and, that's where i am now. also i have quite a fragrant mix of nutmeg and milk on my face, a homemade acne remedy that i found on the internet. so… i'll let you know how that goes.
emily
Sunday, August 9, 2009
summer & school.
hello everyone.
i am here to say that i have failed miserably at keeping my new year's resolution of blogging… what was it, once a week? horrible. i mean at least i kept up some poetry, which as usual no one commented on, but really. it's not like i didn't have time. mostly i am just a lazy bum and a useless member of society.
summer has been good to me thus far. i went back to the dominican republic in june with my church, as well as to cornerstone for a week, down to florida to visit the loves of my life there, to camp timber-lee in wisconsin where i'm thinking about applying for a counselor position next summer, and to virginia beach on vacation with my family. it's been busy and i feel like i've hardly been home at all, though it's nothing compared to how much i was gone last summer. in any case i've been swimming in my pool exactly once, and so that is what i am going to do after i finish writing this blog and ordering this jacket.
first day of classes at moody is the 24th, though i have to be there on the 19th for orientation. frankly though i'd rather leave tomorrow; i'm so excited! i feel so lucky and blessed to be able to go to moody—it's such a good school. i still have so much to do/buy/prepare for but it's not really that stressful cause i'm so pumped.
additionally, i am just excited to move to chicago in general. i was thinking about trying out church at Jesus people usa, and i am excited about learning all the public transportation, except the subway, of which i am scared to death.
in any case, i am going to try again to keep up my writing, especially since now i'm moving and doing all sorts of fun and exciting things.
10 days!
emily
i am here to say that i have failed miserably at keeping my new year's resolution of blogging… what was it, once a week? horrible. i mean at least i kept up some poetry, which as usual no one commented on, but really. it's not like i didn't have time. mostly i am just a lazy bum and a useless member of society.
summer has been good to me thus far. i went back to the dominican republic in june with my church, as well as to cornerstone for a week, down to florida to visit the loves of my life there, to camp timber-lee in wisconsin where i'm thinking about applying for a counselor position next summer, and to virginia beach on vacation with my family. it's been busy and i feel like i've hardly been home at all, though it's nothing compared to how much i was gone last summer. in any case i've been swimming in my pool exactly once, and so that is what i am going to do after i finish writing this blog and ordering this jacket.
first day of classes at moody is the 24th, though i have to be there on the 19th for orientation. frankly though i'd rather leave tomorrow; i'm so excited! i feel so lucky and blessed to be able to go to moody—it's such a good school. i still have so much to do/buy/prepare for but it's not really that stressful cause i'm so pumped.
additionally, i am just excited to move to chicago in general. i was thinking about trying out church at Jesus people usa, and i am excited about learning all the public transportation, except the subway, of which i am scared to death.
in any case, i am going to try again to keep up my writing, especially since now i'm moving and doing all sorts of fun and exciting things.
10 days!
emily
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